Then There Was The Time I Learned The Difference Between Love And Like

THEN THERE WAS THE TIME I LEARNED THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND LIKE

We all know the difference, at least on first impressions.

Love is more intense, deeper, more committed.

Like is a bit more superficial, fleeting.

At least that’s what I thought.

A few years ago, if you pressed me, I would certainly say that I love myself. I took it to mean that I take care of myself, which I did and do. I work out. I work to eat healthy. I do the things, so naturally I show love for myself.

I had hired a coach to help me sort through many personal issues as I shifted my professional focus. What he, almost immediately, pointed out was that I was so hard on myself. He asked me one of the most potent questions I have ever been asked:

Would you let anyone talk to your sons the way you are talking about yourself? Would you let your sons talk about themselves the way you are talking about yourself?

The immediate answer is no, obviously. I was self-deprecating, constantly swearing at myself for my mistakes, and took on the burden of every problem. I think it is healthy for us to evaluate our shortcomings, but not to the point where I was nearly abusing myself.

The question about my sons sparked something else.

What if I took care of myself the same way that I took care of my sons?

That didn’t just mean physical care. It meant emotional care. As an enneagram 2, I am a natural nurturer and bold predictor of someone’s needs. I am able to care for others the best they have ever been cared for.

Note, that was for others, not for me.

So I started to make a shift into finding out what it would be like to LIKE myself again. Here’s what that meant:

• Getting serious about my fitness.
• Getting serious about my nutrition.
• Finding rest.
• Finding a hobby and a passion that is unrelated to the work I do.
• Getting therapy.
• Reading more.
• Walking more.
• Celebrating solitude more.

Here’s what I realized: I was underperforming as a speaker and as a leader because I was not adequately leading myself. Not only that, but I was spending every waking minute of the day focused on others instead of myself.

As I embarked on the journey (one I am still on), my confidence grew only because I recognized that I liked myself. I liked who I was and I liked who I was becoming. It did not mean I was without flaw, but it did mean that my flaws were focus areas, not targets for me to invite myself to beat myself up over.

It is so simplistic, it is almost insulting: the more you like yourself, the more your confidence will grow. And, as a result, the more the confidence of those around you will grow as well.

What’s one thing you are doing this week to take steps to like yourself? Hit reply and let me know. And make sure you check out my Youtube video on this week’s topic as I give all leaders the challenge of “likeables” – a 30 day adventure to recognizing your gifts and building your confidence.