NEVER WASTE AN OUNCE OF YOUR PAIN
– Traver Bohem
JOY SEEKING IS NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER
😱 Did I just argue that seeking joy is killing your confidence?
I did. I know that doesn’t make me popular. I am an anti-motivational keynote speaker who often tells you some harsh realities against the grain. I am here to tell you that your “joy-seeking” is probably hindering your confidence and other areas of your life.
🌵Here’s Why It Matters: “Human beings, the ultimate seekers, have responded too well to the challenge of pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. As a result, we’ve transformed the world from a place of scarcity to a place of overwhelming abundance…Our brains are not evolved for this world of plenty…We are cacti in the rainforest….and like cacti adapted to an arid climate, we are drowning in dopamine.” – Anna Lembke
🧠 In other words, your constant joy-seeking changes your brain’s neurology to reject anything that doesn’t feel joyful.😱
I am not saying you should reject joy in your life or give up the pursuit of happiness. Instead, I AM arguing that this trend to be a “joy-seeker” is masking an essential component of growth: discomfort.
😃Yes, we should look at the bright side of situations.
😃Yes, we should keep an optimistic viewpoint.
😃Yes, we should embrace the little moments of joy in our life.
AND…
💪🏽 Confidence comes from growth.
💪🏽 Growth comes from stretching our comfort zones.
💪🏽 Stretching our comfort zones is uncomfortable, NOT joyful.
I promised to keep my newsletters as short as possible, so I will say this before moving on to Mic Check. Read Anna Lemke’s book.
MIC CHECK: THE DANGERS OF JOY SEEKING IN COMMUNICATION
Does that fun come from a lot of work? YES!
Is the work joyful? NO.
This week’s Mic Check is three mindsets as you remove joy-seeking from your communication efficacy.
1. The More Uncomfortable It Feels, The Better It Looks.
The best stance for public speaking is feet shoulder-width apart with your hands at your sides. This posture says you are open and confident, and there is nothing comfortable about that stance. So whether it is posture, facial expressions, pacing, or other comfort-stretching strategies, the more uncomfortable it feels to your audience, the better it looks.
2. Your Message Has Nothing to Do With How You Feel.
Yes, be emotionally expressive in your communication. Being nervous or uncomfortable is natural, but it doesn’t add to your message. Are you focusing on how you feel, or are you focusing on how to deliver the message? No, you don’t always feel like communicating*, but that’s not the point of communication.
3. Practice Makes Progress. And Yes, It Is Boring.
Last week’s Mic Check was about practicing. You may not have read it because it was about practicing, and there is NOTHING joyful about practicing. I trick my brain into thinking it might be pleasant by rehearsing while I hike. It is nice to be outside, but it doesn’t make the process easier. If we are always “joy-seeking,” then we will miss the opportunities to develop habits that build skills.
Keep speaking up your story,
🎤 Keynote Speaker Perspective: If you are a keynote speaker looking ONLY to bring Joy, consider if that is serving your audience. Yes, a keynote speaker should bring enthusiasm and support to their audience. But a keynote speaker who only speaks positively might be in danger of just saying what the audience wants to hear, not what they NEED to hear.
ENCORE: MORE TO EXPLORE
AUTHENTICITY IS NOT COMFORTABLE
You’ve probably heard the phrase “just be yourself,” but is it really good advice? Authenticity is not always the best lens to approach a problem. In this video, I explore why this common phrase can harm your personal growth and success and hold you back from achieving your goals.
THE DANGERS OF JOY-SEEKING IN COMMUNICATION…
Is speaking fun? YES! Does that fun come from a lot of work? YES! Is the work joyful? NO.
