🎬 Buckle up – I will now reference an obscure late 1998 film starring Gwyneth Paltrow. If you haven’t seen it, I don’t blame you. It is not one of her more popular films, but it is undoubtedly memorable.
🚝 Sliding Doors is a tremendous story about timing. Here’s the jist: a woman is rushing to get on a train. In one reality, she makes the train. In another one, she misses it. The movie follows both realities and the impact of a single, nearly insignificant moment in her life.
I think of this movie when I think of my journey with the Enneagram. I found the Enneagram at the exact moment I needed it.*
😨 I was struggling with a lot. I had just resigned from a role at a non-profit and needed direction as to where to go next. I was abusing alcohol and numbing my pain daily. I was struggling with both personal and professional relationships and communication.
2️⃣Through a series of fortunate and unfortunate events, I found the Enneagram and finally found a test that typed me correctly as an Enneagram 2.**
I was devastated.
And furious!
👵🏽🥧 The Enneagram 2, “The Helper,” is often characterized as an old, baking grandmother. Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with aging, baking grandmothers, but as a man struggling with being “the nice guy” (aka doormat), I didn’t want this image.
I also didn’t want to be manipulative – helping others just so that I could keep score of the great things I did for them – only to use it against them and then resenting them for not helping me as much as I helped them.
Yeah, that was tough to admit.
I don’t love calling the Enneagram a personality assessment because it doesn’t just reveal your personality. Instead, it exposes your motivating behaviors and why they might not serve you. It puts a mirror and a magnifying glass right up to your face for you to examine.
🧠 Frustrated, I had a moment of unconscious awareness. That’s what I call it when I realize something I didn’t know was 100% true. I realized I couldn’t change my personality; I could only change how I interacted with it.
So, I did what any brave soul would do when they embrace a hard reality: I posted it on social media. I added “Enneagram 2” to all my social media platforms to announce and embrace the good and bad qualities of being “The Helper.”
Two major life events happened as a result of that brave act.***
1. It started my journey of being truly responsible for my behaviors. Instead of blaming others for my setbacks, I started looking inwardly to see how my personality, motivations, and behaviors were adding to the chaos I created in my life. It was a big step in a long journey that I am still on.
2. And then something else happened.
Sorry, you’ll have to wait on this one. It deserves its own story. Spoiler alert: I would have never met Whitney if I hadn’t discovered the Enneagram and embraced who I was and could be.
Now, I can’t guarantee that the Enneagram will help you find the love of your life, but self-awareness is the best way to develop confident communication and healthy relationships.
Definitely a 2.****
Keep speaking up your story,
*Just to be clear, I found the Enneagram but it was NOT a new fad. The Enneagram has been around and refined for hundreds of years.
** There are a lot of free tests, but you get what you pay for. I trust the IEQ9 because it is comprehensive.
***I hope you sense the sarcasm in my “brave” act.
**** This references another Enneagram story that I will tell at some point.
ENCORE: MORE TO EXPLORE
THE ENNEAGRAM: A JOURNEY INTO BRAIN SCIENCE
Discover the connection between the ancient Enneagram personality system and brain science as I explore the scientific basis of the Enneagram and reveal how it’s deeply rooted in our brain’s structure and function.
THE ENNEAGRAM: BENEFITS AND BEYOND
Unlock the core motivations and fears driving your behavior with the Enneagram. Discover why the Enneagram matters and how to use it.
